21. Vulnerability

As humans we put in an effort to avoid situations that make us vulnerable.

You hear the word vulnerable and it makes your skin crawl. We just hate the thought of it, don’t we?

Precisely.

& that’s why I’m blogging about it.

I am coming to terms with who I am. I’ve been pointing out what I see as unfavorable aspects of myself. My purpose? Acceptance then adjustment. Not everything is worth beating yourself up about–it is about perception.

Recently, I sat down and essentially told myself what I didn’t want to hear.

Reality.

Allow me to be vulnerable with you.

1. You get your hopes up too high. WAY too high. You have great ideas, know you great people, but sometimes the two aren’t going to go together. Stop planning everything. This is why you are disappointed so often.

2. You put yourself in situations that will inevitably shit all over you. You get shit on then you repeat history. This is also why you are disappointed so often.

3. You can be a real coward. You take forever to make significant changes after you’ve come to terms with the reality of how you feel.

4. You drink to face reality. Try facing reality while sober. & walk through the predicament instead of sweeping it under the rug for another day.

5. You are easily angered. You know why? Because of number 4.

These five ‘realities’ were on my list of things to accept and adjust. Certainly there is work to be done. & that’s fine by me –I am human as are you and everyone else reading this. It is when one fails or refuses to accept their flaws, take responsibility for their actions and internalize their world constructively is when a person remains immutable.

You feel what you allow yourself to feel and you see what you allow yourself to see. That is what my vulnerability exercise has taught me.

“Do not allow yourself to suppress your thoughts. Instead, let the thoughts come before you and become sort of an observer. Start observing your own mind. Do not try to escape; do not be afraid of your thinking.”

—Śrī Swāmī Rāma

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