I was half asleep in the middle of my thirty+ minute shower when my brain finally began to function. Lots of things happening means there are lots of things to think about, and instead of getting overwhelmed I began to write.

The extreme challenge: sorting

what → I ← feel and think  VS  what other people say I feel and think

Life happens, & when it does we go to people for their support/opinions/perspective/assistance. Sometimes we really do need someone to hear us out and tell us what they think about the situation. However, that is not something to get confused with telling you what to do. You also want support from those who will accept you regardless of you decision. Except if you’re being an idiot.

No, I’m supporting your decision to sell cocaine and your body.

Opinions. We all have them. But don’t let someone persuade you that you want something when you want something completely different. This is where sorting can get tricky, at least for me. When I chit chat with people, depending on the person, the conversation can go something like:

Me: A part of me blah blah while another part is blah

Them: Well if you say those things then you must still feel blah blah blah

Me: No, that’s not what I said.

Them: Well it sounds to me like you blah blah

Me: No, that’s not how I feel.

Them: Well it sounds to me like you should blah blah

Me: Okay, we’re done here.

Then proceeding this conversation I have to sit there, wherever there is, and try to sort out my true feelings from those that were just packed down my throat. Thinking while suffocating is quite the challenge.

Or do you ever stop and think to yourself, wait–are we talking about your life problems? How did this conversation turn around?

YOU SELFISH BITCH.

Other examples stem from the conversations between my father and I.

Me 8 months ago: I’m looking into P.A. school.

Dad:  ll: support support support :ll

Me in the present: I’m thinking that physiology is probably definitely what I am going into, and I’m so excited.

Dad: What about P.A. school?

Me: That’s not the route for me.

Dad: But P.A. school would give you a career with a lot of money.

Me: It’s not about money. It’s about enjoying my career.

Dad: But being a Physician’s…

Me: dad.

Dad: …assistant…

Me: Okay, we’re done here.

Dad: …physician’s assistant.

Following this conversation I have to then persuade myself that physiology is my passion. Something I already know. But now I’m second guessing myself, pissed off, and ready to throw a bunch of shit.

But I’m sticking to my gut!

Or my heart, rather.

Because we all know that as long as I’m not selling cocaine and my body that daddy will accept me.

Be smart: Do what you want, not what others want you to do.