6 hours ago I was about to have a mental breakdown. In fact, I may have had a small one. Right now, though? Right now I am B E A M I N G .
Let’s start from the top because it’s important to keep in mind my initial mental state. This week began like a steaming pile of ____.
Aside from my deteriorating not-so-romantic relationship, the perpetual grief in my family (as a result of GUN violence), the intense 12 credit philosophical centric semester (barf), & that my freaking grandma won’t answer the phone (ugh!!), I have been informed that…dun dun dun…
D R U M R O L L P L E A S E
I will be getting [yet another] f*(#$king god damn f*^#$king new roommate.
Can you believe it? I can’t. I can’t believe I’m typing it either. I mean, seriously, I thought I was done with all of this. All I’ve wanted since moving back is stability – in any aspect of my life. About to throw in the towel.
& let me tell you, the aftermath has been nothing less than trash.
In short, yesterday, I was informed of the possibly of it having to happen. Today? Ohhh, today? Today I find out THAT THEY HAVE A NEW PLACE TO LIVE. Despite the undeserving understanding, there has been hostility and personal attacks spewed at me, like I’m somehow an integral piece of this massive mid-semester inconvenience. Like I have nothing better to do than readjust to [another] total stranger. I no longer have a sense of comfort in my own home. But aside from that, this whole thing was figured out (their room was on CL) before I knew a single thing.
Keep Kait in the Dark 101. Well, you got an A.
This is exactly why I wanted to avoid having roommates. I’m so over this crap lifestyle yet I have literally no choice. It is such a discouraging reality to face. The flexibility my stipend allows is, well there is no flexibility, my rent debt is nothing less than horrid. When I moved “home”, my partner wanted nothing to do with me and a commute from either of my parents houses would be such a waste of precious time. So here I am, again, screwed. Oh, and attacked.
ANYWAYS – it’s been less than ideal, especially on my mental state, and I guess the excessive, I mean super excessive, chest pains aren’t a great sign either.
*insert mental breakdown*
So tonight after my Qualitative Research blah blah class (I literally have no idea what’s going on) I decided that I’m going to D.C. to see Conor play music because 1. it’s my favorite thing ever/therapy, and 2. I know that Joanne and Bill will def be there. #famsupport. Then Marianna decides to join me, aka I forced her to buy a ticket. THEN Jenna and Kyle decide to come. Before I know it, I’m surrounded by SO. MUCH. LOVE. I mean, I was literally screaming because my heart was so full. It was the fullest hour and a half I have had in so long. I know I’m just gushing over here but it’s so important for me to remember that a lot of the times it’s the little things, the quick things, the spur of the moment things, that provide the most joy/value/happiness.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, and I honestly don’t want to know. But as for tonight, I’m set. I’m so lucky to have beautiful humans in my life.